misery is a sad place to be in

Its strong d way I feel, my memories ‘bout 2 reveal
The reason of dis pain, probing d depths of past in vain.
A mist in front of my eyes, only shadows beyond sunrise
Can’t even remember all of me, m a blur if u can c.
When I touch myself, it feels unreal
Cuz when I try to spell my memories,
D darkness within me won’t lemme heal
Thrs an ache insyd my head, d voices I hear in bed
R dese only nytmares hauntin me, or is it my past taunting me…

Whn I strain my memory, whn its almost in my reach
Thts whn I feel it all, its worse dan fear,
So much mre dan treachery…
Cz I kno m all alone, evn whn close my eyes
In d brightness of sunlight
Wid my sacrifice, I realize
Wid a face I dn recognize……..

I feel so incomplete, jz lyk a book no one wants to read
I feel lyk a story, so full of pain n no glory
I m a body wid a stranger soul,movin ‘bout widout a goal
Walkin a road widout an end, a destination unknown I cnt pretend
Living wd a frustration born outta failure to recapture my soul
Anger beneath my skin,
Securely burning me n my every sin
Controlling agony, preventin my own thots frm me
Its an unreal ordeal,
Makin me forget how reality feels…

When I strain my memory, I try to c past d door stopping me
Shuttin me frm my reality
I need to find out hw I used to b
Cz wid a part of me unknown
I feel m all alone, evn when in d crowd
Wid sm undignified doubts
Searchin beyond dose clouds
Till I stand n walk on my own
I kno m all alone…

HOPE IS A SAD THING SOMETIMES
In love, persistence and truth are the only weapons you've got, the rest is....Destiny!!
Out of love, persistance kills you, truth dies, destiny keeps happening...

And hope is like a shooting star that you keep wishing on until you run out of either the stars or the wishes

As happens sometimes a moment settled...and hovered and remained...for much more than a moment. And sound stopped...and movement stopped...for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone forever!!

my trademark

Whats the deal with my head
It feels like its made of lead
I’m looking for some inspiration
That wakes me from the dead
It’s been dull and i’ve been down
Looking for someone to hold onto
Someplace to belong to

Its all fire and then its ice
I’m blinded by my own demise
I’m living a confusion
Stuck in terrible lies
I thought i wont get lost
But nw m working out
The reason m feeling like a looser
I was meant to be a choser

I look around, its all the same
But my idea of same has changed
I’m looking for a chance to show that wont alwez take the blame
But u put me down when I come around
Shouting abuses, I hate that shameless sound
Its nt the noise, its ur words
u r telling me tht my presence hurts
But I noe no one who’d keep me
So today m at my worst

Its all fire and then its ice
I’m blinded by my own demise
I’m living a confusion
Stuck in terrible lies
I thought i wont get lost
But nw m working out
The reason m feeling like a looser
I was meant to be a choser

With no home and no frend, I think m a perfect blend
Of misery n disaster in the name of trend
Life is vain n I feel insane
I’m aimlessly in pain
I’m dying to be someone
But I’m no one in this rain
As I wet my tears and the pain dissolves
Somewhere a satisfaction crawls
I shed myself away and I forget that I’m a dreamer
Cz no one cares any ways et all
So I laugh it off with a shrug, pretence is my favourite drug
I’m always back to whr I start it
And I almost never keep my word

That’s my trademark, they call me shameless
They have characterized what they have assessed
They’ll never c whats inside me cz thay r blinded by perfections of the blessed!

its all been stained,
in my heart and down the memory lane
and i guess u'll be delighted
to noe, u wont have to fight it
this battle is done with now!!

i knew u joked
what i didn't know was that your humor spoke real words
and now i dont know if i know u
or if what we shared was ever true
cz ur just a lie, i cant deny!!

it's happend before,
but this time i left my defenses right out this door
and now i stand here defenseless
feeling scarred and a li'll senseless
for being so naive!!!

i knew u lied
what i didn't know was that u felt no guilt inside
and now i dont know if i know u
or if what we shared was ever true
cz ur just a lie, i cant deny!!

without you...

Life moves on even when we decide to hold onto a piece of it and stay still forever...as long as we breathe, we have to learn to let go!!

We were once like sisters...best friends...we knew smiles even before they touched our lips...we knew tears even before eyes had a chance to speak...we knew love like truth...we knew nothing that was outside of us...we knew promises...we knew trust...we knew fun...we knew that we touched each other’s hearts and our togetherness was moving!!
We were different on ideas but strangely similar in feelings...we were two strangers so familiar that it felt strange to have been just strangers once. We were a happy thing...perfect in creation...we had spelled friendship more beautifully than ever...and then it was gone.
Now we are still those two people who know the most about us...just pushed apart by silence...I guess we grew over each other!!
I hated to look at you everyday just because it was a sad reminder of what I had lost...what we had lost!!

He was like my shelter...my rescue...the best deal with god. He was not perfect...we were not perfect but we were great together. We complimented each other and his presence was comforting!!
He complained a lot...we fought like kids... I complained more...and we tested each other...it was a game we loved to play. Sometimes it got the better of us...we needed space...and those days apart made us realise that we couldn’t really deal with space!! That imperfection...those disagreements...misunderstandings were all a part of us...and it felt good to know that someone would see me through it all and still be there.
Then he quit for good...and now I just wish I could see him once and tell him how much I need him or how empty it is without him...but he’s gone.

But I learned to move on...I still think about you <3. I live and I smile too and though m sad sometimes...your love always gets me through.
Thanks for letting me know that life could be that beautiful...

You Are..

For the first time everything you say sounds true
And all these words are taking you away from me.
I'd rather not talk to you if that’s what it takes..
Because this distance makes me feel so dazed.
The first few minutes felt like nothing new.
And the next few were when the realization came through
I felt like tears but I did a smile
The occasion was a broken heart, over a defeated lie!!!

You are the drug that keeps me addicted
You are the torture and I feel inflicted
You are the danger, I'm the victim
You are the doubt that I keep conflicting!!!

Three days over the edge, the pain is still in making
I've lost pieces of me, did you hear me breaking.
Your absence is holding me tight, I feel committed to self destruction.
Ignorance is the mask I wear, my silence is making confessions!!!